Tag Archives: love

Happily Ever After

wedding-322034_1920There is a reason why the phrase “happily ever after” appears on fairy tales and not in wedding vows.  Yet, many who are married seem to think that somewhere in the fine print there is an understanding that another person is to be responsible for our happiness.  Having no scripture, no vow to substantiate the validity of that request means that its neither a requirement of our spouse to accommodate that request nor is it our responsibility to fulfill that for anyone else.  Happiness is a state of being that is predicated on our relationship with the Creator.

Happy is that people, that is in such a case: yea, happy is that people, whose God is the LORD.  (Psa 144:15)

Another reason why we may find ourselves in a state of unhappiness may be because we are not keeping the laws of God.  According to the bible there are forty two verses where the word “happy” and sometimes translated “blessed” (strongs number H835) appears and only two conclude a form of happiness based on what another human being can provide and in that context it was related to having a child which was a response of a person not a command of the Almighty. (Gen. 30:13)  Another such scripture that eludes to happiness being directed towards an individual is once again based on children not the responsibility of a spouse. (Psa. 127)   The majority of the scriptures on this topic falls under three primary categories:

  • Those who keep the laws of God,
  • Those who seek after wisdom and understanding,
  • Those who suffer for righteousness sake

Many of us make happiness a requirement of another individual as though it is a commandment when in actuality if we keep the commandments of YHVH, God is stating to us that we would be happy.  Have we tested him in this?  Are we keeping the commandments of the Almighty?  This notion or expectation of someone or something else to bring me happiness is a tall order that is guaranteed to lead to a let down.  A lot of my unhappiness in other words was self induced because I had a wrong perspective concerning happiness and who was responsible for providing that to me.

There are laws that God established concerning the duties of a wife to a husband as well as the duties of a husband to a wife.  While we can have all the reasons in the world for being remiss in fulfilling those duties, no excuse will hold up in Yah’s court when we come before him.  So for this reason I am happy as the scripture states I would be for accepting the correction of the Almighty.  (Job 5:17)  Correcting poor behavior or habits obviously doesn’t happen over night, but the happiness I feel is like the relief you feel when you confirm the diagnosis of an unnamed sickness.  I don’t know if you ever had something wrong in your body and no one could tell you what it was.  You’ve been to doctors and they can’t tell you, you’ve prayed about it, and you still didn’t get an answer.  Not knowing what is wrong can be just as bad as figuring out what you got, and just as deadly.  The idea that what you are experiencing is all in your head and not real can lead to self doubt and make you feel like you are going insane.  Putting a name to it somehow brings about a strange feeling of calmness that comforts you.  Because now you can begin to address the problem, since it has a name.  We know that God’s name is above every name that is named. (Eph. 1:21)  But it’s hard to pray for a disease that has no name, it feels like beating the air or fighting the wind.

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. (Eph 5:22-30)

Many women become unglued with verse 22, but the bottom line is if this scripture didn’t end with, “as unto the Lord”, then I could see how this could be problematic.  We know that the Lord would never ask us to do something that is against his word, and therefore if we understand that our submission is not just to a man, but to YAH, man is fallible and as such we are not expected to obey  ANY MAN that would command us to commit a sin.  Submission is a heart attitude concerning authority, and through our submission in marriage we are able to reverse the Eve effect that exists in society.

We also see that he doesn’t make a condition that if your husband loves you, as Christ loved the church only then are you to submit to him.  The same way he doesn’t make a commitment to husbands that they are to love you, only if you submit to them.  Every individual is responsible for their role in the relationship and praise Yah that he is just and won’t judge us by others action, nor judge others by ours.  Each individual will be judged by their own actions.  Which brings me again back to why I am so happy.  Because it was the word that stated, “For if we would judge ourselves, we should not be judged.”(1Co 11:31)

In my actions I lived as though the principle of reciprocity was to govern my actions with my husband rather then the principles of scripture which is not depended or dictated on how another treats you, whether wrong or perceived wrong, but rather on your personal relationship with YHVH through his son YeHosHua the Maschiach.  If YeHoshua waited on His bride to rise to the fullness of His expectation of her to be obedient to Him in everything before he loved us, where would we be?  As scripture put it, we love him because he first loved us. (1 Jn 4:19)  He initiated the love and boy am I grateful.  This is where our happiness should lie.  People will mess up, Yehoshua knows this, which is why there is no scripture that tells us to trust man, any reference to trust in the bible is in relationship to God, but never to man.  We can trust God in man, but not man alone.  My confrontation on this topic was liken to a diagnosis of a problem that was causing me much grief in my own relationship, and though I still have not arrived, I am thankful to find my way back on the track, and praise God that my Happily Ever After is not dependent on humanity, but is found securely in Him.

 

 

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Love Lessons I: Uncorrupt Communication

There are love lessons the Father desires to teach us, that I think we miss when we take the cowardly way out of things.  In many important relationships I have found myself ducking uncomfortable conversations and avoiding confronting issues that needed to be confronted because I didn’t want to do the work that a relationship required.  As a result it has caused me to be an emotional recluse.  I have allowed bad experiences that I have had in confronting issues to dictate what I will and won’t share and as a result I have secretly lived a double life like James Bond, I went into hiding in relationships while inwardly I was this self righteous heroine making excuses for my seclusion.  I share this because this blog holds me accountable, as well as helps me to share what I know is not just my issue with others so that with the Father’s help we can all find our way out.  Now, I don’t have it all figured out, I will say that going in, but I will say that no matter how small the offense is, if it disturbs your sleep for even a second it is worth addressing.  Because Yah gives His beloved sleep. (Psa. 127:2)

Confrontation should be done in love and with self in consideration.

Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. (Gal 6:1) Emphasis mine

The correct approach is to do to others as you would want to be done to you.  While correction is never a pleasant experience because who wants to be told they are going in the wrong direction, even if they are.  However, I believe we can at least pray before we approach people who we correct, not that it will always be received, but at least you can insure that your words are ordered from heaven rather than gut reaction.  We should never feel so comfortable with someone that we don’t take in consideration their feelings.  Preserving the relationship should be considered, and I think often times in the closest relationships we can get to a place where we take each other for granted. We believe we can take advantage of our position and think we can dismiss with the formality of respect and humility.  Relationships are torn apart by lips without discretion, or words without thought, and no matter how spiritual we consider ourselves if we don’t have control over our lips then we are not okay with Yah.  To hold within, or to speak outside of the parameters of love is two sides of the same wrong coin and no matter how hard you try you can’t make a U.S. store take any other places currency.  Beautiful communication isn’t a matter of being eloquent of speech, but rather being meek at heart.  Sharing your heart will always get you further with people than sharing your knowledge.

And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death. (Rev 12:11)

It is our testimony of Yah’s life changing power that has softened our hard hearts so that we can overcome the challenges of this life. The blood of Yahushah (Jesus) makes it possible to walk in victory.  Have victory my readers… Be courageous and step into landmines so that you can be the lifeline for someone else, even if it means the death of self to make it happen.