Category Archives: Marriage

Happily Ever After

wedding-322034_1920There is a reason why the phrase “happily ever after” appears on fairy tales and not in wedding vows.  Yet, many who are married seem to think that somewhere in the fine print there is an understanding that another person is to be responsible for our happiness.  Having no scripture, no vow to substantiate the validity of that request means that its neither a requirement of our spouse to accommodate that request nor is it our responsibility to fulfill that for anyone else.  Happiness is a state of being that is predicated on our relationship with the Creator.

Happy is that people, that is in such a case: yea, happy is that people, whose God is the LORD.  (Psa 144:15)

Another reason why we may find ourselves in a state of unhappiness may be because we are not keeping the laws of God.  According to the bible there are forty two verses where the word “happy” and sometimes translated “blessed” (strongs number H835) appears and only two conclude a form of happiness based on what another human being can provide and in that context it was related to having a child which was a response of a person not a command of the Almighty. (Gen. 30:13)  Another such scripture that eludes to happiness being directed towards an individual is once again based on children not the responsibility of a spouse. (Psa. 127)   The majority of the scriptures on this topic falls under three primary categories:

  • Those who keep the laws of God,
  • Those who seek after wisdom and understanding,
  • Those who suffer for righteousness sake

Many of us make happiness a requirement of another individual as though it is a commandment when in actuality if we keep the commandments of YHVH, God is stating to us that we would be happy.  Have we tested him in this?  Are we keeping the commandments of the Almighty?  This notion or expectation of someone or something else to bring me happiness is a tall order that is guaranteed to lead to a let down.  A lot of my unhappiness in other words was self induced because I had a wrong perspective concerning happiness and who was responsible for providing that to me.

There are laws that God established concerning the duties of a wife to a husband as well as the duties of a husband to a wife.  While we can have all the reasons in the world for being remiss in fulfilling those duties, no excuse will hold up in Yah’s court when we come before him.  So for this reason I am happy as the scripture states I would be for accepting the correction of the Almighty.  (Job 5:17)  Correcting poor behavior or habits obviously doesn’t happen over night, but the happiness I feel is like the relief you feel when you confirm the diagnosis of an unnamed sickness.  I don’t know if you ever had something wrong in your body and no one could tell you what it was.  You’ve been to doctors and they can’t tell you, you’ve prayed about it, and you still didn’t get an answer.  Not knowing what is wrong can be just as bad as figuring out what you got, and just as deadly.  The idea that what you are experiencing is all in your head and not real can lead to self doubt and make you feel like you are going insane.  Putting a name to it somehow brings about a strange feeling of calmness that comforts you.  Because now you can begin to address the problem, since it has a name.  We know that God’s name is above every name that is named. (Eph. 1:21)  But it’s hard to pray for a disease that has no name, it feels like beating the air or fighting the wind.

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. (Eph 5:22-30)

Many women become unglued with verse 22, but the bottom line is if this scripture didn’t end with, “as unto the Lord”, then I could see how this could be problematic.  We know that the Lord would never ask us to do something that is against his word, and therefore if we understand that our submission is not just to a man, but to YAH, man is fallible and as such we are not expected to obey  ANY MAN that would command us to commit a sin.  Submission is a heart attitude concerning authority, and through our submission in marriage we are able to reverse the Eve effect that exists in society.

We also see that he doesn’t make a condition that if your husband loves you, as Christ loved the church only then are you to submit to him.  The same way he doesn’t make a commitment to husbands that they are to love you, only if you submit to them.  Every individual is responsible for their role in the relationship and praise Yah that he is just and won’t judge us by others action, nor judge others by ours.  Each individual will be judged by their own actions.  Which brings me again back to why I am so happy.  Because it was the word that stated, “For if we would judge ourselves, we should not be judged.”(1Co 11:31)

In my actions I lived as though the principle of reciprocity was to govern my actions with my husband rather then the principles of scripture which is not depended or dictated on how another treats you, whether wrong or perceived wrong, but rather on your personal relationship with YHVH through his son YeHosHua the Maschiach.  If YeHoshua waited on His bride to rise to the fullness of His expectation of her to be obedient to Him in everything before he loved us, where would we be?  As scripture put it, we love him because he first loved us. (1 Jn 4:19)  He initiated the love and boy am I grateful.  This is where our happiness should lie.  People will mess up, Yehoshua knows this, which is why there is no scripture that tells us to trust man, any reference to trust in the bible is in relationship to God, but never to man.  We can trust God in man, but not man alone.  My confrontation on this topic was liken to a diagnosis of a problem that was causing me much grief in my own relationship, and though I still have not arrived, I am thankful to find my way back on the track, and praise God that my Happily Ever After is not dependent on humanity, but is found securely in Him.

 

 

Experiencing 40: One Woman’s Observations About Life

I knew turning forty would be different, I just didn’t know how different it would be.  In some ways it seems crazy that one should have such expectations in such a short period of time.  I mean the day before your birthday you were enjoying the frolicking of that time frame and you were clinching on to 39 for dear life, then suddenly the moment hits when you know this is the day. The landmark day that you would have been on this earth four whole decades.  In your thirties it seems permissible even in your late thirties to hold on to some of your immature ways and in some ways you still feel like you’re young and can do anything.  That is until like Cinderella the clock strikes twelve and your sugar plum dreams turns into a plethora of questions and fear of the unknown.  Experiencing forty was both scary and thrilling like getting on a brand new roller coaster that has seemingly unending twists and turns.  You can’t wait to get on as you sit in the line, but then the closer you get to it, the more you begin to question, is this insane?  What will happen if this thing isn’t sturdy, or has this thing been properly tested for security? I expected to feel different, more mature.  But much to my amazement I felt the same way I did when I was 39, looked the same, and can do the same things I could do then.  Nothing visibly changed but the number that corresponds with my age on this earth.

However, I will say almost three months now into this thing that there are some very pleasant surprises.  Now, I wouldn’t advise you test this out unless you are married this particular observation is not for everyone, and kids may want to close their ears, but for those of you with less of an appeal for the upcoming years I will say that sex has never been better.  Granted I did start pretty young but for the most part the experience has been hit and miss with a lot less home runs then I would desire to have.  But forty it’s like your body awakens, at least it did for me.  Which I suppose isn’t too surprising, usually the description of women and pleasure is typically delayed.  At least from my girl talk encounters, and all that you read or see on television about the topic.  However, like a brisket slow cooked and marinated to perfection intimacy takes on a whole new level of greatness at forty that it just never had before that age.    I suppose that is a sign that even though we can’t calculate the changes physically that our bodies are undergoing by the number of years we have been here, our body does recognize that a change is taking place.

The importance of leaving your mark.  In my twenties and thirties I was always hopeful that every request that I petitioned to the Father would be answered, and in favor of what I wanted.  At age forty there are still some things on my list that I have not received an answer on, but rather than feeling depressed, the way I thought I would, my energy is more towards leaving a legacy.  In my mind I always felt like a legacy was a tunnel vision sort of thing, that dictated that you would work your behind off to leave something to your children.  But what if you have no children?  I have found myself thinking more about what I want to leave behind and to whom I would want to leave it.  I have begin to understand that not all children that you impact will be those who you have birthed, but they must be those who you have embraced.  We have endless opportunities to love people and rarely take that opportunity before us.  At forty you pay attention to those things.  The stuff that your world was built around in your twenties and thirties and you had to acquire, have little value or significance to you.  They in the whole scheme of things lose their appeal.  Your perspective on life changes.  At least this was my journey into forty.  Don’t get me wrong I am still all over the place as it relates to my dreams, but my desire for things are not so much internal as they are external.  Having a desire to make an impact on peoples lives and make a difference in the kingdom of God is paramount to me.

Learn how to live in the season you are in.

Finally, I am grateful above all else.  While I realize death is a reality that we all must face and in our day it’s a reality that both young and old are subject to.  I am most of all grateful to be forty.  See while so many can only see their lives as half spent I see my life as I have been blessed with another day to make a difference for the kingdom of God.  To pray someone into safety, to preach someone into the kingdom, to bless someone with nourishment, and to teach someone how to love their family and appreciate the value of what they have, which is right now.  We have nothing else promised to us.  I am so thankful for the breath  I have right now that I am able to see forty.  So often we get so caught up in the number that we forget that our life isn’t about us anyway.  We are on a mission, and it is a privilege not a right that we are still here to complete it.  Because there are so many who have died with their mission not complete, their purpose not fulfilled.  At forty, every lesson I have been taught matters and it is more important to me for that to get out then even my own life.   Too many of us at age 40 live in regret of what we didn’t accomplish before the age we are.  We either wish we would have traveled more, spent more time with our kids, would have settled down to have a family instead of pursue a career, and the list goes on and on.  We are so busy planning for the next season of our life that we never appreciate the one we are in.  Yah is teaching me how to appreciate the season of life that I am in.  Not to focus on the children I wanted but didn’t have, or the finances, or house, or business I wanted but didn’t get, or the places I wanted to travel but haven’t gotten there.  At this point in my life all those things seem so much less important than knowing that I fulfilled my purpose.  Because I could achieve all those things and miss the BIG picture.  I am learning to appreciate that some of the things that I didn’t get was because it wasn’t apart of God’s plan for me, and the things I did get are pretty amazing when I think about it.    Experiencing forty has taught me how to appreciate life for what it is, and not to spend the life I got being caught up in what it’s not.

Does your marriage need a booster shot?  Find yourself looking for a way out of a “until death do us part” situation?  Just pump the breaks and give me 5 minutes to try to jumpstart your marriage.  Don’t give up just yet, God has a plan for your pain and a new beginning for the dead end you find yourself in.  Marriage is challenging, but worth every minute.  Not all marriages need to end some just need a little boost.  I pray this video will bless you, and help you hang in there.

Love Lessons I: Uncorrupt Communication

There are love lessons the Father desires to teach us, that I think we miss when we take the cowardly way out of things.  In many important relationships I have found myself ducking uncomfortable conversations and avoiding confronting issues that needed to be confronted because I didn’t want to do the work that a relationship required.  As a result it has caused me to be an emotional recluse.  I have allowed bad experiences that I have had in confronting issues to dictate what I will and won’t share and as a result I have secretly lived a double life like James Bond, I went into hiding in relationships while inwardly I was this self righteous heroine making excuses for my seclusion.  I share this because this blog holds me accountable, as well as helps me to share what I know is not just my issue with others so that with the Father’s help we can all find our way out.  Now, I don’t have it all figured out, I will say that going in, but I will say that no matter how small the offense is, if it disturbs your sleep for even a second it is worth addressing.  Because Yah gives His beloved sleep. (Psa. 127:2)

Confrontation should be done in love and with self in consideration.

Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. (Gal 6:1) Emphasis mine

The correct approach is to do to others as you would want to be done to you.  While correction is never a pleasant experience because who wants to be told they are going in the wrong direction, even if they are.  However, I believe we can at least pray before we approach people who we correct, not that it will always be received, but at least you can insure that your words are ordered from heaven rather than gut reaction.  We should never feel so comfortable with someone that we don’t take in consideration their feelings.  Preserving the relationship should be considered, and I think often times in the closest relationships we can get to a place where we take each other for granted. We believe we can take advantage of our position and think we can dismiss with the formality of respect and humility.  Relationships are torn apart by lips without discretion, or words without thought, and no matter how spiritual we consider ourselves if we don’t have control over our lips then we are not okay with Yah.  To hold within, or to speak outside of the parameters of love is two sides of the same wrong coin and no matter how hard you try you can’t make a U.S. store take any other places currency.  Beautiful communication isn’t a matter of being eloquent of speech, but rather being meek at heart.  Sharing your heart will always get you further with people than sharing your knowledge.

And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death. (Rev 12:11)

It is our testimony of Yah’s life changing power that has softened our hard hearts so that we can overcome the challenges of this life. The blood of Yahushah (Jesus) makes it possible to walk in victory.  Have victory my readers… Be courageous and step into landmines so that you can be the lifeline for someone else, even if it means the death of self to make it happen.