Monthly Archives: May 2017

Happily Ever After

wedding-322034_1920There is a reason why the phrase “happily ever after” appears on fairy tales and not in wedding vows.  Yet, many who are married seem to think that somewhere in the fine print there is an understanding that another person is to be responsible for our happiness.  Having no scripture, no vow to substantiate the validity of that request means that its neither a requirement of our spouse to accommodate that request nor is it our responsibility to fulfill that for anyone else.  Happiness is a state of being that is predicated on our relationship with the Creator.

Happy is that people, that is in such a case: yea, happy is that people, whose God is the LORD.  (Psa 144:15)

Another reason why we may find ourselves in a state of unhappiness may be because we are not keeping the laws of God.  According to the bible there are forty two verses where the word “happy” and sometimes translated “blessed” (strongs number H835) appears and only two conclude a form of happiness based on what another human being can provide and in that context it was related to having a child which was a response of a person not a command of the Almighty. (Gen. 30:13)  Another such scripture that eludes to happiness being directed towards an individual is once again based on children not the responsibility of a spouse. (Psa. 127)   The majority of the scriptures on this topic falls under three primary categories:

  • Those who keep the laws of God,
  • Those who seek after wisdom and understanding,
  • Those who suffer for righteousness sake

Many of us make happiness a requirement of another individual as though it is a commandment when in actuality if we keep the commandments of YHVH, God is stating to us that we would be happy.  Have we tested him in this?  Are we keeping the commandments of the Almighty?  This notion or expectation of someone or something else to bring me happiness is a tall order that is guaranteed to lead to a let down.  A lot of my unhappiness in other words was self induced because I had a wrong perspective concerning happiness and who was responsible for providing that to me.

There are laws that God established concerning the duties of a wife to a husband as well as the duties of a husband to a wife.  While we can have all the reasons in the world for being remiss in fulfilling those duties, no excuse will hold up in Yah’s court when we come before him.  So for this reason I am happy as the scripture states I would be for accepting the correction of the Almighty.  (Job 5:17)  Correcting poor behavior or habits obviously doesn’t happen over night, but the happiness I feel is like the relief you feel when you confirm the diagnosis of an unnamed sickness.  I don’t know if you ever had something wrong in your body and no one could tell you what it was.  You’ve been to doctors and they can’t tell you, you’ve prayed about it, and you still didn’t get an answer.  Not knowing what is wrong can be just as bad as figuring out what you got, and just as deadly.  The idea that what you are experiencing is all in your head and not real can lead to self doubt and make you feel like you are going insane.  Putting a name to it somehow brings about a strange feeling of calmness that comforts you.  Because now you can begin to address the problem, since it has a name.  We know that God’s name is above every name that is named. (Eph. 1:21)  But it’s hard to pray for a disease that has no name, it feels like beating the air or fighting the wind.

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. (Eph 5:22-30)

Many women become unglued with verse 22, but the bottom line is if this scripture didn’t end with, “as unto the Lord”, then I could see how this could be problematic.  We know that the Lord would never ask us to do something that is against his word, and therefore if we understand that our submission is not just to a man, but to YAH, man is fallible and as such we are not expected to obey  ANY MAN that would command us to commit a sin.  Submission is a heart attitude concerning authority, and through our submission in marriage we are able to reverse the Eve effect that exists in society.

We also see that he doesn’t make a condition that if your husband loves you, as Christ loved the church only then are you to submit to him.  The same way he doesn’t make a commitment to husbands that they are to love you, only if you submit to them.  Every individual is responsible for their role in the relationship and praise Yah that he is just and won’t judge us by others action, nor judge others by ours.  Each individual will be judged by their own actions.  Which brings me again back to why I am so happy.  Because it was the word that stated, “For if we would judge ourselves, we should not be judged.”(1Co 11:31)

In my actions I lived as though the principle of reciprocity was to govern my actions with my husband rather then the principles of scripture which is not depended or dictated on how another treats you, whether wrong or perceived wrong, but rather on your personal relationship with YHVH through his son YeHosHua the Maschiach.  If YeHoshua waited on His bride to rise to the fullness of His expectation of her to be obedient to Him in everything before he loved us, where would we be?  As scripture put it, we love him because he first loved us. (1 Jn 4:19)  He initiated the love and boy am I grateful.  This is where our happiness should lie.  People will mess up, Yehoshua knows this, which is why there is no scripture that tells us to trust man, any reference to trust in the bible is in relationship to God, but never to man.  We can trust God in man, but not man alone.  My confrontation on this topic was liken to a diagnosis of a problem that was causing me much grief in my own relationship, and though I still have not arrived, I am thankful to find my way back on the track, and praise God that my Happily Ever After is not dependent on humanity, but is found securely in Him.

 

 

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High Security to Your Own Demise: The Side Effects of Behind the Times Banking

Had I known the challenges that awaited us in banking with a company who has chosen to be left behind in the dark ages.   I know for many especially the elderly it is comforting banking with smaller banks that have chosen NOT to crossover to the more technologically advanced systems we have today.  There is a blatant distrust of the security of all these fancy high tech options that are now available at our fingertips, and the ability to have that hospitality of the good ole days and that constant contact with that family feel of banking in person, well it is nostalgic, and definitely provides a more personal touch and can make for a more high security atmosphere, at least one would think.  However, with most things in life for every pro there are considerable cons and if you are prone to sickness which tends to be par for the course with the loveliness of aging this antiquated way of handling business can become a serious crutch.

The first thing I would like to point out is if you are aging, and especially if your children or the one who you would entrust to make decisions concerning your welfare in the event of an unexpected illness should occur I would recommend you get a joint account.  This should be done no matter who you bank with.  One sure way for things to go aerie with your credit, your possessions, and potential trouble with the IRS is to be in a situation where no one can access your cash.  However, I will say that if the unexpected sickness occurs and your recovery takes longer then a month’s billing cycle then you can put your family in a very compromising position and these out of date banks can add strain to an already strenuous situation for those responsible for handling business in your absence.   Bottomline, no matter how sweet and courteous your local banker can be, make no mistake they are going to abide by the established bank guidelines and regulations set up by their employers and unfortunately that could mean that if family doesn’t have the discretionary income to cover your short fall that you are going to be in serious trouble with a lot of people and may even find yourself if the illness prolongs beyond expected in a situation where you could be homeless.  Having said that there are several things that my experience in this situation has caused me to consider and questions you would be wise to ask your banker if they provide.

  • What does a joint bank account give my joint account holder access too?
  • If I do not have an ATM card or debit card, and I become too ill to come into the bank myself can my joint account holder apply for an ATM card on my account to access money for me?
  • What type of legal documentation would be acceptable for conducting business concerning my account and what type of changes would this documentation provide for them?

Most of us would like to think that we will always have our wits about us, but the reality is this is not a guarantee.  Read the statistics yourself to see what can happen in your future.  Look at your own genetic history and uncover the incidences of diseases that affect mental health in your family.  The more extensive that is the more prone or susceptible you are to suffering from similar diseases of the same kind.  Unfortunately, we don’t take time to think about these things and when tragedy strikes it is too late to retro-activate anything and believe me the strain of a financial burden on your loved ones who already have to cope with the emotional and mental stress of your health situation makes a bad situation desperate.

Other important options that your bank need to offer is online access.  Of course this would be archaic if such a bank existed and didn’t offer it, but beyond that there are a few things that any potential bank should give you access too..

  • Bill pay options – This option should allow for you to pay people directly as well as set up accounts for monthly service payments. Make sure autopay is also available, again, a loved one shouldn’t have to be caught between caring for their loved one and remembering to pay your bills on time.  Auto access alleviates that for them.
  • Mobile access – We live in a society where we are constantly on the move. Having access on a mobile phone means that I am not bound by buildings, nor have to be home to handle affairs quickly and promptly for you.  Making things easier on the caregiver means that they have more time to focus on what is most pressing, your care.  Mobile access also means that any checks that must come to your caregiver who may not live where you do can make it possible for them to deposit cash in your account remotely, and quickly.  Mobile deposits for many banks show up the same day you deposit it.

Finally, I realize living in a global society that identity theft and hacking is a real serious threat to our financial security and our piece of mind.  However, I would encourage you not to fear using these avenues, but instead educate yourself in learning how to safely use these tools.  Remember, there is no bank that does not use the internet as a tool to access your account information.  If they can find a safe way of protecting your identity while accessing your information online, certainly so can you.  These are just a few tips  from a series of information I will be providing for those who are interested in having the conversation we need to have on preparing for our golden years.  This article is part of a section that will be in a book, and perhaps at some point a documentary called, “If I should live before I wake.”