There is a reason why the phrase “happily ever after” appears on fairy tales and not in wedding vows. Yet, many who are married seem to think that somewhere in the fine print there is an understanding that another person is to be responsible for our happiness. Having no scripture, no vow to substantiate the validity of that request means that its neither a requirement of our spouse to accommodate that request nor is it our responsibility to fulfill that for anyone else. Happiness is a state of being that is predicated on our relationship with the Creator.
Happy is that people, that is in such a case: yea, happy is that people, whose God is the LORD. (Psa 144:15)
Another reason why we may find ourselves in a state of unhappiness may be because we are not keeping the laws of God. According to the bible there are forty two verses where the word “happy” and sometimes translated “blessed” (strongs number H835) appears and only two conclude a form of happiness based on what another human being can provide and in that context it was related to having a child which was a response of a person not a command of the Almighty. (Gen. 30:13) Another such scripture that eludes to happiness being directed towards an individual is once again based on children not the responsibility of a spouse. (Psa. 127) The majority of the scriptures on this topic falls under three primary categories:
- Those who keep the laws of God,
- Those who seek after wisdom and understanding,
- Those who suffer for righteousness sake
Many of us make happiness a requirement of another individual as though it is a commandment when in actuality if we keep the commandments of YHVH, God is stating to us that we would be happy. Have we tested him in this? Are we keeping the commandments of the Almighty? This notion or expectation of someone or something else to bring me happiness is a tall order that is guaranteed to lead to a let down. A lot of my unhappiness in other words was self induced because I had a wrong perspective concerning happiness and who was responsible for providing that to me.
There are laws that God established concerning the duties of a wife to a husband as well as the duties of a husband to a wife. While we can have all the reasons in the world for being remiss in fulfilling those duties, no excuse will hold up in Yah’s court when we come before him. So for this reason I am happy as the scripture states I would be for accepting the correction of the Almighty. (Job 5:17) Correcting poor behavior or habits obviously doesn’t happen over night, but the happiness I feel is like the relief you feel when you confirm the diagnosis of an unnamed sickness. I don’t know if you ever had something wrong in your body and no one could tell you what it was. You’ve been to doctors and they can’t tell you, you’ve prayed about it, and you still didn’t get an answer. Not knowing what is wrong can be just as bad as figuring out what you got, and just as deadly. The idea that what you are experiencing is all in your head and not real can lead to self doubt and make you feel like you are going insane. Putting a name to it somehow brings about a strange feeling of calmness that comforts you. Because now you can begin to address the problem, since it has a name. We know that God’s name is above every name that is named. (Eph. 1:21) But it’s hard to pray for a disease that has no name, it feels like beating the air or fighting the wind.
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. (Eph 5:22-30)
Many women become unglued with verse 22, but the bottom line is if this scripture didn’t end with, “as unto the Lord”, then I could see how this could be problematic. We know that the Lord would never ask us to do something that is against his word, and therefore if we understand that our submission is not just to a man, but to YAH, man is fallible and as such we are not expected to obey ANY MAN that would command us to commit a sin. Submission is a heart attitude concerning authority, and through our submission in marriage we are able to reverse the Eve effect that exists in society.
We also see that he doesn’t make a condition that if your husband loves you, as Christ loved the church only then are you to submit to him. The same way he doesn’t make a commitment to husbands that they are to love you, only if you submit to them. Every individual is responsible for their role in the relationship and praise Yah that he is just and won’t judge us by others action, nor judge others by ours. Each individual will be judged by their own actions. Which brings me again back to why I am so happy. Because it was the word that stated, “For if we would judge ourselves, we should not be judged.”(1Co 11:31)
In my actions I lived as though the principle of reciprocity was to govern my actions with my husband rather then the principles of scripture which is not depended or dictated on how another treats you, whether wrong or perceived wrong, but rather on your personal relationship with YHVH through his son YeHosHua the Maschiach. If YeHoshua waited on His bride to rise to the fullness of His expectation of her to be obedient to Him in everything before he loved us, where would we be? As scripture put it, we love him because he first loved us. (1 Jn 4:19) He initiated the love and boy am I grateful. This is where our happiness should lie. People will mess up, Yehoshua knows this, which is why there is no scripture that tells us to trust man, any reference to trust in the bible is in relationship to God, but never to man. We can trust God in man, but not man alone. My confrontation on this topic was liken to a diagnosis of a problem that was causing me much grief in my own relationship, and though I still have not arrived, I am thankful to find my way back on the track, and praise God that my Happily Ever After is not dependent on humanity, but is found securely in Him.