A Message to the Barren Mom

We are all familiar with the stereotypical fairytale view of a stepmom and let’s just say that the depiction of such women have been less than savory and truly needs to have a twenty first century makeover. As one I suppose I take considerable offence, yet I can indeed understand as a stepmom without my own biological children how difficult it could be to care and love children that are not your own. Yet, I also stand as a living example that it can be done and might I add exceptionally so. Marriage under the best of circumstances is not an easy institution to keep afloat but a blended family doesn’t make it easier, but it is doable.   As believers with the love of Yah shed abroad in our hearts we are instructed that we can do all things through Christ.Phil. 4:13 Just as it is the Father who takes a solitary soul and places them into a family, the Father also takes one who has not borne children of her own, yet makes her an incredible mother. In most cases biological mothers don’t receive their just due them when it is deserved, so therefore you can imagine the position of the “fill in mom” who comes on the scene especially when there is still a biological mom in the picture. Let’s just say it is not a job that one would willingly take without being led by the Lord.   Thirty eight without children borne from the seed of my husband and incubated in my womb was not the plan, but nonetheless, I am very grateful that despite my own desires I took the plunge in choosing to embrace this role.

While the barren woman is looked upon with shame and pity, and many scriptures share such sentiment I think it behooves us to also be aware of the times and seasons we are living in and make our assertions in light of this fact. For as many scriptures as I can find on the barren woman being cursed, I can find just as many of her being praised in the Lord.

They that were full have hired out themselves for bread; and they that were hungry ceased: so that the barren hath born seven; and she that hath many children is waxed feeble. (1Sa 2:5)


He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD. (Psa 113:9)


Sing, O barren, thou that didst not bear; break forth into singing, and cry aloud, thou that didst not travail with child: for more are the children of the desolate than the children of the married wife, saith the LORD. (Isa 54:1)


For, behold, the days are coming, in the which they shall say, Blessed are the barren, and the wombs that never bare, and the paps which never gave suck. (Luk 23:29)


For it is written, Rejoice, thou barren that bearest not; break forth and cry, thou that travailest not: for the desolate hath many more children than she which hath an husband. Now we, brethren, as Isaac was, are the children of promise. (Gal 4:27-28)


I believe these scriptures above would indicate just such sentiment, and indeed as we see the ugliness that is becoming of our world no one can deny that we are living in some questionable days. The days Messiah warned us concerning, where father shall be divided against son, and son against fathers, mother against the daughter, and daughter against the mother.Lk 12:53 Realizing this it is in our best interest to keep our eyes on those who are in this world lost rather than be consumed with longing to produce new ones. Please don’t misunderstand if you can have children and you are in the Lord have as many as you can, the kingdom of darkness needs the children of light rather they realize it or not, and the greatest potential of producing children of light will come from those who are of the light producing seed who will do as Abraham did which gave him such favor, raise his household and his children after him.Gen. 18:19 This said of him before he even had the son of promise.

This article is written to encourage those mothers who chose to be one to children that you didn’t bear yourself, yet loved as though you did. This woman is not an ordinary woman, she is an extraordinary woman. She makes the sacrifices biological mothers in many cases didn’t, or wouldn’t. She chooses to love children who may not reciprocate her love, and she chooses to be a mother when being the friend would be more convenient. She takes the mantle God has given mothers to nurture their children in the world when their own mothers wouldn’t. Her assertive and disciplined tactics may be misunderstood or not appreciated by those to whom she gives it, but her reward is in heaven and it is from her Father that she seeks it. Hence, in the majority of these scriptures we are called to rejoice, to sing aloud, to be joyful. In spite of the saying, “anyone can have a child but not anyone can raise them”. I am living proof to the fact that this is a lie, not anyone can have a child, and yes anyone who has the love of Yah shed in their hearts can raise them. If you are a selfish person seeking worldly glory then motherhood will not be for you even if you had thirty children, and the evidence of our society proves that. In fact I would say it’s the mother’s who choose to be one in spite of their ability to birth one that proves to be the least selfish person. She chooses to love a child that will have their allegiance with their birth mother no matter what she does. She endures the mocking when she instructs the child towards right when they want to go wrong. She continues to pray and hope for the best for those who don’t hope the best for her. No, indeed, not just any woman could do it, only a woman of God could pull off such a job, and I am here to tell you that you do it well.

I am blessed to know such women in my life and honored that Yah chose me to be one. I would be lying to you if I said I didn’t have my moments of hurt, pain, and disgust, but I no longer believe that Yah has cursed me because I don’t have any children of my own. There are too many women I have been a mother to, to believe that. I’d rather say that it takes a woman like me to appreciate the value of having children to not have one so that others who can will put real value on that which is real rather than that which is not.

Making a home, loving your husband, and raising children to the Glory of Yah is the best job there is. As an African American woman with the history of a people who had their children stripped from their arms and sold like livestock we have had to endure too much to ironically willingly give our children away to the same system that forced them out of our arms to begin with. Yet, I witness so many mothers who take for granted a position they were honored to have to become slave to a system that will never pay them the value their worth. Make no mistake being raised in a system with this sort of thinking at its root is not something that can easily be undone. It requires renewed thinking with clear understanding of your true purpose to keep from giving up and losing heart.

I also realize that biological mothers suffer from the same frustrations on the other end from being burned out both the mother embracing her biblical role as well as the one who doesn’t. Raising children is an overwhelming responsibility when combined and infused with all the other issues of life. Raising children is like taking out a 401K plan you will have to put in years of work before you will see the fruit of your labor. The biological mom who puts in the time is the same as the homeschooling adopted or stepmom who takes up the same torch. Only major difference is the biological mom will more than likely get the praise due her from her seed while the stepmom may have to wait until she is face to face with her Maker to receive hers. However, I am telling you stepmom or adopted mom who has taken up this mantle to raise another’s child in the fear of Yah don’t give up or lose heart. Remember, that you do what you do not for them, though they are the beneficiaries, but you do what you do because of who you belong to.

Rejoice because your heavenly Father is pleased with your act of faith, and in the end you will hear words greater than any pension plan mankind can think up to be accepted by the One who has an eternal position in a place where time doesn’t matter, and it is there that your reward will be waiting for you. Remembering we look not at those things which are seen, but those things which are not seen. 2 Cor. 4:18  You have come too far to give up.

To the mom at heart who never married, yet birthed amazing seed in the Spirit that had been dropped in the natural, know that your labor is not lost in Yah. Your reward if you faint not will not be discarded, and the husband you searched your entire life for has not moved from His throne. We are espoused to Messiah and even if we never have a family (husband /children) biologically in this life we can have a multitude of seed in the Lord. Don’t give up on that, don’t lose heart. Marriage in this life is just our opportunity to practice our love walk with Him anyway. Know that you are in good company for Paul had no wife or kids, Yahushah had no wife or kids, yet they raised more children in the Lord than those who had ten. Yahushah raised up twelve children who went on to multiply into 70.

Choose to be a living testimony, whether or not Yah gives you children of your own or not. Choose to adopt those who have been left behind on this Spiritual journey to greatness and nurture them into a secure understanding of the love that their Father has for them as you have been commissioned. My prayer is that more women who profess Messiah as their Savior will embrace their call to Godly motherhood. They will yearn the praise of their own husbands more than the praise of the world, and at the end of the day her children will call her blessed not just because she gave them physical life, but because she was willing to embrace her Biblical role to speak and train her children in the way of life.


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